Living with a Roommate in College
I’m the first to admit that I’ve been lucky with my roommate experience. My first year roommate, Erin, and I clicked from the minute we met, and over two years later we’re still best friends and suitemates. Living with Erin is like having a sleepover every night--even though we both live in singles, we’re still right down the hall from each other and can hang out whenever we want. I can’t imagine college without Erin as my roommate. Life just wouldn’t be the same without our constant stupid jokes, shared meals, or accidental late night study breaks where a five minute conversation becomes hours of sitting around and talking. Our other friends joke that we’ve turned into the same person over the past couple years (one time Erin accidentally introduced herself as me to a room full of prospective students), but we wouldn’t have it any other way.
So my first bit of advice to future college students worried about living with a roommate: Don’t knock it ‘til you try it. It’s not as if sharing a room was perfect all the time--we’re both happy to have our own spaces as upperclassmen. But I’m genuinely happy that I had a roommate my first year. In the beginning of college and all the changes that came with it, I had a built in friend to navigate my new world with me. I know this isn’t always true. Not every set of roommates become best friends, and I’ve had other living experiences where I didn’t immediately click as well with the people I was rooming with, but that’s okay! Successfully sharing a space with another person takes effort, whether you’re acquaintances or best friends. But I’ve always managed to make it work, living with Erin and others, and I’ve come up some tips so that other future roommates can make it work too.
Put some thought into your housing forms! The summer before coming to Barnard, students fill out a questionnaire about what they’re looking for in a roommate. Roommates are then matched according to these preferences. Because this is the entire basis for matching, it’s important to know what you want. I have a friend who thought she was ambivalent about cleanliness, and said so, until she got placed with a messy roommate. So think hard about what lifestyle preferences you would and wouldn’t be okay with living with for a whole year.
Be honest with your roommate about what you want. Erin and I were clear from the start about what expectations for living together would be, so there were no unpleasant surprises. Usually, at the beginning of the year your RA will have you and your roommate(s) fill out a contract with your expectations for living together, which forces you to sit down and talk about what you want. Being honest during these conversations, about everything from overnight guests to cleanliness, is key to living well together. When I have had issues with roommates, it’s often been because I originally said I didn’t care about something that I ultimately did care about.
Communicate! It sounds obvious, but actually interacting with your roommate, regarding both the good things and the bad, is essential to developing a healthy relationship. If your roommate is doing something that bothers you, tell them. One of my non-Erin roommates drove me crazy for months by constantly watching TV without earbuds when I was in the room. After complaining about it to everyone who would listen, I finally brought it up with her--turns out, she just hadn’t realized it annoyed me. If I’d talked about it earlier, I could have avoided a lot of frustration. Also, in general, just interact with your roommate! A simple “how was your day?” is a step towards a friendly relationship.
Be aware of each other. The fact of the matter is that you’re sharing a room with another person, and there are things that you can do in your own space that won’t work when someone else is there. Constantly hitting the snooze button before your 8:40 might result in an annoyed roommate. (Erin, if you’re reading this: Thanks for getting better at not forcing me to listen to It’s A Hard Knock Life every morning.) If your roommate’s the one with the early class, leaving the lights on if you come in late at night isn’t great either. (I’m definitely guilty of that one.) Simply acknowledging that there’s another person in the room, and being respectful of their presence, is a huge part of getting along.
If you don’t click, it’s not the end of the world. These tips will hopefully make your living experience more agreeable, but not all roommates are going to get along, and that’s just life. If you don’t hit it off with your first-year roommate, that doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to a lonely year. There are a lot of people at this school, and there are plenty of places to meet and befriend them. I might be proof that the “roommate turned best friend” college stereotype can be true, but I also know lots of people who found their closest friends outside their dorm. Roommate relationships can be successful whether or not you’re friends outside of the room, which is why I haven’t given much advice about the social side of things--what happens there is up to you. At the end of the day, what matters most is that you and your roommate have an honest and respectful relationship that allows you both to feel comfortable in your new home.